drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
