i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You pole danced in your parka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
