Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
