i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
