this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
