suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
