first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
