Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
