Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
MIDGETS
????
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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