Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
