I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
