If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
