You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
