We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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