Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
