How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
