you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
