When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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