I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
