Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
