My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
