I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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