he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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