And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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