If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my sisters under your porch take her home
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
