Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
