We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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