mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
