What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
