did you get engaged???
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
