She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
