she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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