I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
