i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
