Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
