: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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