Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
