dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
