im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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