In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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