Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We just shotgunned beers for America
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
