I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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