the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
