I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
