It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
