first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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