He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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