he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
