Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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