I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
