i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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