yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
