Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
