marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
